2 October – How much panic is normal?

Lol.

Now that I’ve started setting the wheels in motion regarding the surrogacy thing I keep having bouts of panicky thoughts where I think ‘Uh-oh, this is so huge, can I really do this?!’.  I’m thinking this is completely normal, and good too as it means that I am really coming to terms with it fully, it’s not like I’m just igoring the realities… but how much panic is ‘too much’…when do I cross the line from ‘positive with legitimate concerns’ to ‘wanting to run for the hills’?

Don’t get me wrong – 99% of the time I still KNOW that this is the right path for me, that this is something I really want to do etc etc…and the frustrating thing is the nature of my concerns.

I’m not worried about the really big, life-changing stuff like handing the baby back to her parents at the end of the pregnancy – I’m not saying it’ll be easy but it’ll be something I can prepare myself for.  No, my worries are far more superficial than that.

I’m worried about all the injections and invasive procedures.  I think I’ve done too much reading up on them and now I’m psyching myself out completely!  So how bad are those IM Progesterone in Oil injections really, hmmmm?

I’m also worried about how my poked, prodded and ultimately pregnant (not to mention moody and hormonal) self will impact on my children’s lives.  I would hate for them to really suffer because of any of this – they do have to come first!  BUT I really think I’m over-thinking it somewhat…

There’s also just the logistics of the travelling to think through : if I need to fly out to the FS’s a couple of times, what on earth will I do with my kids?  The grandparents and daddy work, their schools only run half day…not to mention that I’ve never been away from them for even a night before so a week away sounds terribly daunting!

I know it looks like a lot of reasons NOT to do this just yet, but those thoughts only catch me every now and again, usually at 3am when I’m trying my best to go back to sleep after getting up for Jamie.  By far the MOST of the time I’m so excited to be on this journey.  I want to get going and logically, realistically I KNOW that my kids aren’t going to suffer just because their mommy is going to be pregnant again.  And hopefully, hopefully they’ll learn a very important lesson from it too!  The injections…well, I guess I’m just going to have to suck it up and be brave as all hell.  🙂

For any IVF veterans reading this post – is it the ‘usual done thing’ to do a mock cycle before your first IVF run?  I can understand the reason for this, yet I really don’t like the idea of all those meds, all those injections (eek, can you see this is really becoming an issue, lol) for nothing! 🙂

So this is the part where I need some help and encouragement…anyone???

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10 Responses to “2 October – How much panic is normal?”

  1. Jane Says:

    If you get the gonal-F jabs like I had when I did the egg donation, they are super easy peasy (no pain at all) and I had virtually no side affects.. certainly far less than being on the pill anyway. It really wasn’t bad. AT ALL. It was more interesting and even fun in a way.

    You can do it. Remember I decided not to research it all too much. Once it felt right and I decided to do and was chosen I just went with it. Crossing the bridges as they arrived and it was all just fine! 🙂

    You’ll be fine, and so will your children and it will all fall into place as needed. I am SURE!

    *hugs*

  2. N Says:

    I think it’s totally normal to come to the realization it is a big deal. A little bit after our transfer, our surro told me that she had some feelings while lying on the transfer table of “what have I gotten myself into?” This was after months of reading, preparation, and wanting to do it. To be honest, I kind of freaked out when she first said that because I took it that she had changed her mind and didn’t want to do it anymore…but then I realized that anyone in their right mind would think that. Here’s my big reco: go get started at http://www.surromomsonline.com. You can meet lots of surros and ask questions. Great site!

  3. Yvonne Says:

    Thanks so much for the comments!
    N – yes, I’ve also been researching it for months now, and chatting about it, thinking about it all the time – but before it was just an academic exercise. Now that it’s becoming real it is rather different.
    Yet it still feels right, I just need to find my over over the hurdles! 🙂
    Am loading your recommended site now, thanks for the link!

    And Jane, thank you too – just what I needed to hear!!

    x

  4. Shaz Says:

    I think its normal to have some concerns and some fears, hell when I went through all my OWN IVF’s I was nervous and fearful at times. I think the important thing is to be sure this is really something you want to do and if it is, to take it one step at a time, don’t sweat the details, they have a way of working themselves out.

    As for the injections, well I had a combination of Lucrin, Gonal F and Luveris for my IVF’s and they’re really not that bad at all. They’re sub cut injections so you barely feel them and the pen dispensers make it really easy. As for the Progestrone Injections, don’t panic too much about that just yet, you may be given something like Cyclogest or Utogestan instead of the injection.

    You’re doing a fantastic thing for somebody!

  5. Yvonne Says:

    Thanks Shaz, I really appreciate the input!!

    And you’re totally right…I so badly want to do this so from now on my motto will be “don’t sweat the small stuff” 🙂 (although I do reserve the right to have the occasionaly meltdown, lol)

    Thank you!!!

  6. Jen Says:

    Hi Yvonne! Thanks for stopping by my blog!

    Yes the panic is totally normal! Its better to panic and be prepared before you really get into it, rather than get started and THEN panic. Sometimes I’ll think “What did I get myself into?” but thats usually when I’m having an emotional/tired/sick day. When it all comes down to it, temporary discomfort for me is worth what comes at the end when my IPs hold their babies for the first time.

    The shots arent so bad, really. At first you’re kind of psyching yourself out, imagining that its gonna hurt and that makes it worse. Once you get used to it, it becomes like second nature and its really no big deal. I get to stop the nightly injections on Tuesday and I am really excited. Not because they hurt or anything, but because thats one less thing for me to remember to do each night! 🙂

    Congrats on your husband’s support! You will need it so much throughout the journey…particularly when you’re laid out on the couch with morning sickness and he has to pick up the slack. 😉 I’m going to add your blog to my blog reader so I can keep up with your journey!

  7. Portraits In Sepia Says:

    It is so interesting to read the thoughts from a surrogate’s perspective! You always hear the other side.

  8. Bump Fairy Says:

    PIO and estrogen injections really arent’t a big deal. Yes, they can hurt ( and for a while if you get lumps!) but you get so used to them that it’s just normal and not an issue after a while. I’ve never done a mock and would have a hard time agreeing to one; I too understand WHY some RE’s require them, but I also don’t want to go through all of that ( injection pain, hormone surges, emotional surges, and the risk that these drugs bring) for no good reason. I’d at least have in your contract a comfortable mock cycle fee. The time away from my kids wasn’t much; two trips out, one to have a match meeting and another for transfer. The little appointments here and there are easy to work around. Yes, I am more grumpy now but I am also very aware that I am grumpy, so make extra effort to put myself out there on a positive note with my children. The hardest part has been not being able to hold them the same way; pick up my son, thoroughally cuddle my daughter; that is hard. But you learn other ways. I sit on the floor a LOT now, lol! Nerves are normal… but deciding to be a GS doesn’t meen you have to do it NOW. Maybe if the nerves are a real issue wait a year or two to start? Older children will make that part of it less of an issue….

  9. S Says:

    I think that surrogacy is such a huge deal – you have to dissect every single part of it. But even then there are going to be some things tha pop up that you least expected.

    Not all protocols include the PIO injections but for me and my GS – we wanted them as we wanted an aggressive protocol – to make is a one shot deal. I think that the PIO injections are a little easier when you know that you have people counting on you. Looking at them in theory doesn’t give you the full picture. I will send my GS over for her point of view. :O)

    I have never had a transfer myself but was present for ours. lol – make sense? GS seemed perfectly comfortable but don’t laugh! We got in trouble for laughing so you will have to stay still with a very full bladder. That’s the worst part and the procedure is over and done with within 10 mins.

    Not all Surro’s choose to work with couples who are far away. My GS and myself are an hour apart. So it just depends on what you are looking for really. The pickier you are, the longer it MAY take but what’s right for you and your family is worth it in the end.

    S

  10. Kymberli Says:

    The others have given you some great advice! I’m an experienced surrogate and have been through a total of four transfers, and each time there is a small part of me that thinks “HOLY CRAP, WHAT AM I ABOUT TO DO!?!” It’s not an issue of freaking out to the degree that I don’t want to do it, but it is a matter of knowing that I’m embarking on something so very monumental. It takes your breath away, in a good way. I hope to see you on SMO sometime! I’m one of the mods there!

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