Archive for February, 2009

23 February – Officially drug dependant!

February 23, 2009

So as of 10 days ago I am officially dependant on drugs!  I have been feeling horrendous, really ridiculously lethergic and tired because my hormone levels were so high, but I think the Eltroxin may finally be kicking in now as today I woke up with more energy than I’ve had in weeks!  I had a lovely day – Caeli’s preschool was closed for half-term so we had a girly shopping & lunching morning while James went to daycare…it was lots of fun!  We then cleaned the house together, played etc, and I managed to get them all cleaned, bathed, pyjama’d and had a full meal ready by the time my husband got home from work.  I honestly can’t remember WHEN I last managed all that in one day!  So hurray for Eltroxin! 😉

When I had my GP appointment (about 2 weeks ago) I did get a bit of a shock.  I was honestly expecting to just walk in, get a script and walk back out again… but alas.  He was a bit concerned about the size of my thyroid – I don’t have a goiter but when I swallow you can actually see the shape of my thyroid clearly and it is enlarged.  He urged me to have an ultrasound done just to ensure that there are no nasties lurking there.  I just immediately went cold at the thought – but tried to stay calm.  He unfortunately doesn’t have an ultrasound machine so I was sent into town.  I raced through the rush hour traffic and eventually got to the path lab where they gave me all the relevant forms.  The whole thing felt so surreal – my husband and children were with me and I just kept thinking “What if they find something terrible.  What if this is it??”  As the radiographer quietly scanned away at my throat, and then walked out to call the doctor I can honestly say I have never.  NEVER. been so scared in all my life.

The doctor found a cyst.  On the report he says that it is ‘probably a thyroglossal cyst’.  This report was faxed to my GP and he doesn’t seem to concerned, we’ll go over it in detail at my next appointment in 3 months time so I guess I can rest easy for now – but it was not a nice experience at all…and I just hope and pray that this cyst is in fact just a harmless little cyst that MAY even disappear on it’s own.

On surrogacy related news the GP wants me to be on Eltroxin for 3 months before falling pregnant.  I’ll have more bloods in May and if all is looking good then, THEN I’ll finally be able to move forward.  I have contacted my agency and they are being very understanding and supportive.  They have found a new surrogate for the couple I had been tentatively matched with – and I must admit I am overwhelmingly relieved and excited for them!  I was feeling awful at keeping them waiting all this time, so I am so happy to hear they have been matched with someone else and are finally moving forward!

6 February – An ending…and a new beginning..!

February 6, 2009

So I had my final homeopath appointment today – and it’s kind of as I suspected: it didn’t work 😦  It’s the end of the road as far as homeopathy is concerned – he had me on the strongest doses of the best stuff and my body simply wasn’t responding.  His opening words were “I wish I had  better news for you” and then he spent a good 20 minutes reassuring me that as chronic meds go Eltroxin is not Such A Bad Thing.

In all honesty I still feel pretty crap about it, but I had a good cry; pulled myself together and told myself it could’ve been much worse – and I do feel loads better now!

Clearly I wish the outcome had been better – but on the upside it is BRILLIANT that I am not in limbo anymore!  I am now free to follow my surrogacy journey, which is fabulous, fabulous news!  My first port of call will be to find a GP I can trust to manage my thyroid (which hopefully shouldn’t take long!), and then I’ll be free to continue this journey that I have as yet only tentatively started.

I can’t wait!

On a completely (and I do mean COMPLETELY!) unrelated note: does anyone have experience with UTI’s / bladder infections?  My daughter has not been herself lately (she’s almost 4), really grumpy, had 2 wee’ing accidents at school the other day (this never, NEVER happens!!!) and is just … I don’t know … off.  She has also mentioned once or twice that her ‘bagina’ (LOL) hurts when she wee’s, but she’s a toddler and they often say these things.  She also doesn’t ACT as thought it’s hurting – she wee’s often and she doen’t in any way clench / grimace / get scared to wee again.  I can’t keep ask her whether it hurts to wee as she *will* say yes no matter what, lol.

I think I might just pop into a pharmacy tomorrow and try to get a strip test to determine any irregularities.  I’ve never suffered from the darned things myself so not really sure what to look out for, but hate the idea that she might just be in pain and I’m not doing anything about it!

4 February – Please can I just scream now??!

February 4, 2009

Now may or may not be the right time to bring up the fact that generally I am ‘that’ girl that always tries to see the positive in everything, that sees the glass as half-full, that tries not to moan and complain.  Generally I am optimistic to a fault.

But today.  Today I want to SCREAM, today has been a long, frustrating horrid day, that’s just left a bad taste in my mouth.

First some background – my husband is away on the UK on business (we’re in South Africa), so my mom was staying with me and the kids, while my sister stayed home with my diabetic dad. Any without further ado, I give you a rundown of last night and my day so far…

11pm – Go to bed

11.10 – Jamie wakes up and cries, I put him in bed with me

11.10 onwards – Jamie kicks, thrashes, moans, wriggles, falls out the bed and punches me in the face repeatedly

5am – phone rings and we get told my dad has had a very ‘unusual’ seizure and is in ICU

5.05 – cranky, overtired kids nagging for breakfast and arguing that they don’t want to go to school ‘ever. again.’

5.30 realise Jamie (19 month old) is covered in horrendous rash, no idea what it might be from.

6.00 phone my sister-in-law that’s visiting from UK to cancel on my babysitting duties for the morning in case Jamie’s rash is contagious (she understood completely but you have no idea how much I *hate* letting people down!)

7.30 get Caeli to school

8.00 Go to doc for blood draw (my thyroid) and get a 10.45 slot for Jamie (rash)

8.10 – 10.20 wander around the house like a Zombie trying to keep James entertained while waiting for his doc app to roll around.

10.45 doc doesn’t know what rash is but definitely NOT contagious, yipeee.  Probably insect / allergy related. Go to pharmacy to collect anti-histamines etc

12.30 fetch Caeli

1.00 make plans to see my dad in hospital.  All the co-ordinating causes kids to miss their naps – will pay for that later!

3.00 sister in law arrives with her 2 kids, I leave to go to the hospital. Race down, collect mum, visit and crawl back through rushhour traffic

4.00 come home to two over-tired, tantruming, screaming monster children (in fairness they were dead quiet when I arrived home, all the nastiness started about 2 minutes after I arrived – go figure!)

5.00 still dealing with the tantruming, screaming, nastiness

5.30 bathing with the tantruming…etc

6.00 feeding with the tantruming…etc

6.30 Dh phones from London to say he’s missed his Heathrow -> Johannesburg connection, on standby for next flight with 33 other people. Tomorrow’s flights also full, so more standby.  *sigh*  Who knows when he’ll actually get home.

AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

And the worst, worst thing of all, is baby Declan.  (http://www.all-hands-on-dec.co.za) I started reading a website a few months ago, when baby Declan was just a couple of weeks old.  He was born with a tumour (malignant) behind his eye and has been fighting every single day of his life to beat this monster.  He was right there, right at the finish line – these last few weeks we was so convinced that he had it beat…bloods have just shown that the cancer has spread everywhere.  He is 6 months old, and has been given at most a month to live.  I am devastated.  Absolutely devastated.  I cannot understand why this little person had to go through so, so much – only to be beaten anyway.  It’s the most tragic story and it has just destroyed me.  I keep just thinking if I’m feeling like this, what on earth are his family going through1???!?!  It’s just so incredible unfair. Please, if you have anything left inside of you please pray for this gorgeous baby boy and his incredibly strong, wonderful family.  They’re going to need you so much in the coming weeks.  And of course, we can always hope for a miracle.

I know I have a lot to be thankful for.  I know I have many blessings and I know that for me things could be worse.  Most of these things have just sort of happened ‘around’ me and other people are dealing with far more fallout than me.  But it’s been a lot for one day.  I really am grateful for so much.  But Lord please let me have a better day tomorrow – coz I don’t know if I can face another one like today just yet.

1 February – Uuuggghhh…

February 1, 2009

Well it seems I spoke to soon.  After my second to last post where I was all ‘la la la, my energy levels are fabulous on these new meds, they must be working, la la la”, I (I guess inevitably) woke up the following Monday morning feeling as though I had been hit by a bus.  Suddenly, literally from one day to the next my energy levels were AWOL, I felt bloated, heavy, exhausted.  It’s bizarre because initially I never really felt bad.  Yes I was pretty tired bout then my little man doesn’t sleep (like…ever, LOL) so I just figured that was why…but when I started these new meds I immediately just became my old self again!  Normal suddenly seemed super-human, and it was so, so nice to be so energetic again.  Now that I’m back to my ‘old’ self it’s awful and I’m really battling to adjust to the fatigue and exhaustion.  The only good thing about giving in and taking the Eltroxin (if it comes to that) is the hope that it will then make me feel like I was feeling a few weeks ago.  A-MAZING 🙂

I’m still taking all the meds, everything as recommended but it’s as if I’ve suddenly become immune to them.  I can’t say I’m not disappointed, because now suddenly I feel as though any hope of curing my thyroid problem naturally is gone.  I’m still clinging on to the hope that I may be wrong – after all no matter how healthy and ‘normal’ our bodies are nobody feels like an energiser bunny ALL of the time…but my gut feeling is that this is not working anymore.

Regardless though I am very excited – my next homeopath appointment will be in 5 days or so, and then we should (hopefully!!!) be able to move forward with surrogacy stuff!  If the meds HAS worked then I’ll be able to contact the agency with “I’m cured and ready to move forward!” and if it hasn’t worked I’ll contact them to say “I’m taking Eltroxin and ready to move forward”.  So big yay for that!  I’ll most probably have my appointment on Thursday/Friday, and will update after that!!  Yaaaay 🙂